Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Shark vs Narwhal
Holy fucking shit!
It is known that sharks are sweet at jumping out of the water in slow motion and fucking shit up with their massive jaws and razor sharp teeth. It is also known that a shark's main purpose in life is to seek the various swords of enchantment that are hidden throughout the underwater kingdom. Only then, are they able to fulfill their destiny of defeating a narwhal in a sword fight to obtain their magical secret treasure. For it is written in the sacred Texts of Sharkdom! Plus, they really dig holding aloft the magic swords and pretending that they're He-Man. That joke never gets old amongst sharks. They're always like all "Hey, look, man..I'm He-man!!" And everybody laughs.
Hark! The narwhal! A vicious stabber! A vicious stabber indeed! Thou art a stabber of ice! A stabber of prey! A stabber of sharks who wield swords of enchantment!
Why must they stab? Because they have big fucking horns, that's why! Oh, and sharks are always coming after them with magical swords and shit.
How did they get the horn? The horn was granted to the narwhal by the unicorn. Basically what happened was a unicorn was riding his motorcycle underwater and a crab flew into his mouth and down his throat and caused him to choke. A nearby narwhal saw the whole thing happen. The narwhal put down his nunchucks and quickly swam over to the unicorn and performed the Heimlich Maneuver. The Unicorn was so grateful that he granted him the gift of the horn. Oh, and he let him eat the crab. Then the Unicorn was all like "With great power comes great responsibility! With this big fucking horn, you and your fellow narwhal are to be the guardians of some secret magic treasure stuff and junk!" and then the Unicorn bestowed unto him a treasure. The unicorn got back onto his crappy motorcycle and bolted and yelled out "party on dudes!"
So, what is this treasure that the narwhals protect and sharks want? It's the recipe for Doritos. Oh, and I forgot to mention that narwhals will attack sharks because they're jealous that there isn't a Narwhal Week.
So anyways, that's what's going on in my painting. Check it out, though! Look at all that lightning! That sword is totally fucking sweet, too! It's got a bat skull thingy!