Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Bloodsport Part I
Bloodsport. This is the most enjoyable movie ever. You've probably seen it on a lazy Sunday as part of KCOP or TNT's Double Van Damme weekend. Chances are, you also had a hangover.
Of course, Bloodsport is action-packed, and the music is TOTAL SWEETNESS but don't overlook the dialogue. Thanks to a steller cast, EVERY single line of this film is GOLDEN!! As a matter of fact, I dare to say that I enjoy the acting more than the fighting. In this multi-part series, I'm going to explore the characters and you will feel AWESOME!!!
"Very good. But Brick not hit back!" are the famous words immortalized by Chong Li. Chong Li is played by my favorite actor of all time: Bolo Yeung. Not only is he a Kung Fu Master, but his muscular tits are the size of your bay windows. You may have noticed that not only is he as strong as a horse, he looks like a horse! That's because he comes from a long -but rare- lineage of Mongolian Horse people -who are actually half horse, half man. Now, I know what you're thinking and the short answer is "Yes, there's other kinds of horse people besides centaurs." Did you know that Bolo was 50 years old when he starred in Bloodsport?! That's right...50!! Holy shit! You can read more about the biggest threat to mankind here.
Watch Chong Li totally horse-out in this compilation:
"First you break my record, now I break you....like I break your friend!!". One thing Chong likes to do is break things. He breaks slabs of ice, world records, legs, a guy's life, he even breaks your friend. He's one Kung Fu horse who knows how to break! When he went to the movies to go see Breakin', he got pissed and "break" the entire theater for false advertising. Lucky for the people there, Chong Li actually liked the movie. Otherwise, he would have "break" them. "Hulk Smash!" is a gust of wind compared to the hurri-fucking-cane that is "You are NEX!"
CHONG LI CHONG LI CHONG LI CHONG LI